
T. S. DENISON Sc COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Frc 
Price 15c each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is GiVen 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 



Aaron Boggs, Freshman. 3 

acts, lYi hrs (J5c) 8 8 

After the Game, 2 acts, i;4 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 'lYi 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 5 
As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2y2 hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 9 3 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

College Town, 3 acts, 214 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr. 

(25c) 17 14 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. . 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, IV2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2Ya hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr...r(25c) 10 
Enchanted Wood, 1^4 h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, \Yi hrs. 

(25c) 7 6 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fascinators, 40 min (25c) 13 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

11/2 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

- 2 hrs (25c) 12 

! Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, ly^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, H^ hrs.(25c)14 17 
Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts. 2^ hrs (25c) 6 12 

Lexington, 4 acts, 254 h. .(25c) 9 4 



M. F, 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

.Little Buckshot, 3 acts, IVa, hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social (ilub, 3 acts, 

1J4 hrs (25c) 10 

Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, Zy^ 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Old Maid's Club, 1J4 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1^ hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/^ hrs (25c) 10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 214 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2J4 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^ hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, ly^ h. 8 3 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Third Degree, 40 min '(25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. (25c) 6 4 
Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2]^ 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trip to Storyland, 1 J4 hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town. 3 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 5 3 
Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Convention of Papas, 25 min.. 7 

Countrv Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W.Randolph St.. Chicago 



Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 

A COUNTRY SCHOOL EPISODE 
In Two Scenes 



BY 

HARRY L. NEWTON 

AUTHOR OF 

"All on Account of Polly," "The Corner Drug Store," "Everyyouth, 

"The Goodfellow" "Good Mornin' Judge," "The Heiress 

of Hoetown," "Jayzille Junction," "The Little Red 

School House," "A Rehearsal at Ten" "The 

Rest Cure," "The Spark of Life," 

"When the Circus Came 

to Town," etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 



CHARACTERS. 

Hezekiah Quackenbusii The Teacher 

MosE DooLiTTLE The Janitor 

Pat Clancy A School Director 

Gus SwEiTZER Another 

Hi Grass A Tozun Selectman 

Harold Green The Nice Boy 

Willie White The Bad Boy 

Ethel Grey The Pretty Pupil 

Betty Brown The Homely Pupil 

Martha CRABAPrLE A Suffragette 

School Boys and Girls. 
Scene — A Country School Room. / 
Time — June. 

Place — Grass Center, Vermont. 
Time of Playing — About Thirty-fire Minutes. 

Note: — The boys and girls may be utilized as a chorus 
for song" numbers, and any number employed at the dis- 
cretion of stage manager. The cast is elastic and more 
characters could easily be introduced. Drills, recitations, 
etc., may be added according to the talent available. 

If all the characters are taken by prominent or elderly 
people it will add greatly to the fhn or^A -absurdity of the 
entertainment. 



copyright, 1916, .by eben h. norris. 



//^/'r^A)7^53M,y ,3,9,6 



OLD 43894 jLO - 



r 



'-^ / 



TEACiiEK, KEN I GO HOME? 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Hezekiah Quackenbush — A typical young "rube." 
Wears ill-fitting dark suit and white vest ; smoothly shaven 
face. Slight Yankee dialect. 

MosE DooLiTTLE — A droU young darkey; eccentric 
make-up. 

Pat Clancy — Eccentric old Irishman. Wears black cut- 
away coat, light trousers, green necktie and dilapidated silk 
hat and carries an umbrella. 

Gus SwEiTZER — German dialect comedian. Wears chin 
whiskers, ordinary business suit and derby hat. 

Hi Grass — A typical old "rube." Costume ad lib., but 
should be along comedy lines. 

EIarold Green — Neatly dressed school boy. 

Willie White — A "tough" boy, and a decided contrast 
to Harold in speech and make-up. 

Ethel Grey — Sweet and demure, and a model pupil. 

Betty Brown — "Sis Hopkins" type ; awkward in actions 
and stuttering in speech. 

Martha Crabapple — Made-up along the idea of the 
burlesque creation of a female voter, or suffragette. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

K., means right of stage; C, center; R. C, right center; 
L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; / E., first 
entrance; U. E., upper entrance; R. 3 E., right entrance, 
upstage, etc. ; D. F., door in flat or scene running across back 
of the stage ; upstage, away from footlights ; downstage, 
near footlights; / G., first groove, etc. The actor is sup- 
posed to be facing the audience. 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 



Scene 1 : An interior, shoiving a scJiool room, ivith cen- 
ter door opening. The required number of scholar's desks 
are arranged about the room, and at L., on raised platform, 
is the teacher's desk. A store is at back C. Large feather 
duster and hand bell are on floor at back C. 

At rise, Mose is discovered, back to audience, starting 
fire in stove. As curtain is zvell up he throws down wood 
in disgust. 

Mose. Doggone shame, dat's all. Now, dere ain't no 
mo' use to has a fire in dat stove today, den dere is fo' to has 
a subway in (neighboring tozvn). But dem school direc- 
tors am gwine to be heah dis mornin', and dey think if 
dey don't has a fire in de stove, de janitor ant obtainin' 
money under false obtenses. (Picks up feather duster, 
dusts desks and chairs, lacy fashion.) Dis heah workin' 
in a college constitution ain't givin' me no vast eddication. 
Ah knows less now den when Ah. come on de job. De 
only thing Ah speak fluently, am swear words. Yesterday 
dere was a report circulated dat Ah was dead. Dere wasn't 
a bit ob truth to dat report. De minute Ah heard it, Ah 
knows Ah wasn't dead. 

Enter Hezekiah, C. 

Hezekiah. Mornin', Mose. 

Mose. Mornin', Mistah Quackenbush. Ah hopes Ah 
sees yo' well? 

Hezekiah. If you don't, you better consult an eye 
doctor. 

Mose. Yes, sah. (Takes Hezekiah's hat, dusts it with 
duster and then applies duster to his clothing.) 

Hezekiah (backing aivay and sneezing violently). Go 
way with that. (Sneezes.) Thar ain't no dust 'bout me. 

Mose. Huh ! Ah reckoned on gettin' 'bout a nickel's 
worth out ob yo'. 

4 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 5 

IIezekiah {goes to his desk). All you 'pear to tliiiik 
'bout is money. 

MosE. Yes, sail ; an' a think is as close as Ah comes to 
it on dis heah job. Say, Ah wants to embelish on yo' mind 
de downtrodden fac' dat dis said job owes me de significant- 
sum ob e-leven dollahs fo' wages. E-leven dollahs ! Does 
yo' understan' dat? 

Hezekiah. No. I never was any good at 'rithmatic. 
Furthermore, I'm the schoolmaster, and not the paymaster, 
Do you understand that? 

MosE. Yes, sah ; Ah done git yo' when yo' fust drove 
up. But yo' kin accept it from me, Mose Doolittle, dat Ah 
am gwine fo' to collect dem e-leven dollahs. 

Hezekiah. Mose, that's one thing that's industrious 
'bout you, and that's your jaw — that's always workin'. Now 
work some other part of your anatomy, and ring that as- 
sembly bell. 

Mose {gnimhlingly — aside). Ah'd like to wring yo' 
neck. 

Hezekiah (sharply). What'd you say ? 

Mose. Ah said, Ah'm right on deck. (Picks up bell, goes 
to C. D. and rings it.) 

Orchestra plays, loud and forte : ''School Days," or other 
appropriate music. Boys and girls come trouping in, pell- 
mell, and scramble to their seats. Harold, Willie, Ethel 
and Betty occupy desks down C. Mose stands in C. D., 
scozvling angrily at the scene. 

Hezekiah (raps smartly on desk). Order! Order! 

Willie (springs to his feet). I'll take a glass of hard 
cider. 

Harold. And I, sir, a nut sundae. (Boys and girls 
giggle.) 

Hezekiah (raps on desk). Shut up, gol dern ye. This 
ain't (local drug store). This is a school room. I'll now 
proceed to call the roll. If there's any pupil not here, he 
don't need to ansvv^er. -^ (Mose makes a comedy grimace and 
exits in disgust.) 



6 TEACHEK, KIN I GO HOME? 

Willie (raises hand and snaps fingers loudly). Teacher, 
kin I go home? 

Hezekiah. No — you jes' came in. (Picks up sheet of 
paper from desk; reads list of local names, rapidly, zvithout 
pausing for replies. Then:) Harold Green. 

Harold (rises). Here, kind sir; here. (Willie hits 
him ivith a large book; Harold falls back into seat.) 

Hezekiah. Ethel Grey. 

Ethel. Present, dear teacher. 

Willie. Say, don't give her no present — this ain't Christ- 
mas. 

Hezekiah (to Willie). I'll give you something in a 
minute, and it won't be no present, and it won't be in the 
same place you most generally git a present, nuther. 

Willie (yells loudly, zvith one hand to mouth and the 
other on his stomach). O, teacher, teacher. I just swal- 
lowed a pin. 

Hezekiah. \\'ell, don't make all that dern fuss over a 
pin. Here's another one. (Takes pin from lapel of his 
coat and hands it to Willie. Boys and girls all laugh.) 

Betty (snaps fingers). T — t — t — te — te — teacher. You 
— you — you di — di — di — didn't ca — ca — ca — call m — m — 
m — m — my name. 

Hezekiah. I forgot your name, but in just a minute 
I'll call you everything I kin think of. 

Betty. My n— n— n— name is B— B— B — Betty B— B— 
B— B— Brown. 

Hezekiah. All right, Betty. Are you here today or 
ain't you? 

Betty. No, teacher. I — I — I — co — co — co — couldn't 
CO — CO — CO — come t — t — t — t — today. 

Enter Mose. Stands in C. D. 

Hezekiah (comedy grimace). Well, Betty, when ye git 
here, tell me why I don't see you. Now, children, I sup- 
pose you all know that this is the biggest day in our school 
year. It is not only commencement day, but also the day 
when the school board pays us their annual visit 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 7 

MosE (aside). Ah wish dey'd pay me clem e-leven dol- 
lahs. (Willie takes out a cigarette and lights it.) 

Hezekiah. I desire that you shall be on your best be- 
havior, and show the directors that we have a model school 
here. 

Willie. O, we'll show 'em, all right, all right. (Blozvs 
jiioiithftd of smoke into Harold's face.) 

Hezekiah (/o Willie). Oho! Smokin' cigarettes agin, 
be ye? I'm ashamed of ye. Ashamed of anybody that 
smokes cigarettes, the pesky things. Why, it's awful — 
simply awful. Willie, throw away that awful thing. 
(Willie takes another strong puff and then throzvs ciga- 
rette on floor. Hezekiah quickly dashes to it, picks it up 
and is about to throzv it out C. D., zvhen he discovers Mose 
standing there apparently zmiting for it to come. He then 
puts it in his ozvn mouth and puffs delightedly on it.) 

Mose {looking off R., suddenly yells). Heah dey come 
— heah dey come! 

Hezekiah (quickly disposes of cigarette by putting it in 
one of his pockets). Now, children, rise to your feet and 
burst into a gladsome song of welcome to our august and 
honorable board of directors. Everybody up and at 'em. 

Enter Clancy, Sweitzer, Grass and Martha. The 
boys and girls have risen to their feet, and greet them zvith 
a song of zvelcome. Mose stands at one side of door, feather 
duster in hand, and as each one enters, he dusts them vig- 
orously. The four take chairs about Hezekiah's desk; 
zvhen the song is finished Hezekiah raps loudly on his 
desk, and the boys and girls are seated. 

Hezekiah (to the four). Welcome to our school. (To 
Clancy). Mr. Clancy, I call on you, as chairman of this 
august body, to address a few remarks to the boys and 
girls. Speak, Mr. Clancy, to our future greats, perhaps 
members of this same school board long after we have 
passed to the Great Beyond. 

Mose (aside). De same place my e-leven bones has 
went. 

(Clancy rises, bozcs zi'itJi great dignity to Hezekiah, to 



ilj 
8 TEACHER. KIN I GO HOME? | 

I 
the other three and then to the pupils, ivho give three ring-v 

ing cheers. He clears his throat to speak. Hezekiah snd-\^ 

denly feels the cigarette in his pocket, supposedly hot. He\ 

squii-nns about, finally draivs it out, backs to stove and 

throws it in.) 

Clancy (noticing Hezekiah at stove). Are ye after 
bein' cold? 

Hezekiah. No ; on the contrary — quite warm — espe- 
cially in one place. (Returns to desk.) 

Clancy. Boys and girls, b'gorry, I'm highly honored 
— ye bet ye ! Now what shall I talk about ? 

SwEiTZER. Talk about a minute, and then get out. 
- Clancy (zvithering glance at Sweitzer). As fer ye, ye 
slab of cheese, I'll lick ye fer two dollars. 

Sweitzer. Say, make it a dollar fifty. Dot's all I got. 

Martha. Don't be rough, gentlemen. Remember, there 
is a lady present. (All look about, as if looking for the 
lady. ) 

Clancy (addressing the pupils). As I was about to say, 
when I was interrupted by this insect — (zvithering glance 
at Sweitzer) — I'm surprised to see so many at school to- 
day. I didn't know there was so many out of work. I 
am always glad to talk to school boys and girls. I was a 
school boy and girl once myself. (There is a general laugh 
at this remark, and he stares about him in surprise). I 
repeat. I was once a school boy and girl myself. I used 
to love to go to school — 

Willie. O, yes he did. 

Clancy. And I used to love to come home. I lived in 
the country, and had to walk eleven miles each way. 

MosE (wJio has been dozing near stove, suddenly zvakes 
as he hears "eleven" spoken). Yes, sah ; e-leven dollahs 
perzactly. (Hezekiah raps on desk.) 

Clancy (zvitJiout heeding interruption). Just think of 
it, children, eleven miles! 

Mose (aside). Yes, and jes' think ob mah e-leven dol- 
lahs. 

Clancy. I little thought then that I would be here with 
you today in the position I hold — chairman of this illus- 



TEACHER. KIN I GO HO'ME? 9 

trious body. {He pauses and poses zvith one hand thrust 
ill front of coat and the other raised high in the air. Willie 
takes a pea-shooter and supposedly blows pea in Clancy's 
eye. Clancy claps a hand to injured eye.) Oh. — Oh! 
Who threw that brick? {Glares angrily at Sweitzer.) 
Was it you, you beer absorbin' chunk of Hmberger ? 

Sweitzer. Nein ! 

Clancy. Ooo ! Nine bricks he soaked me with. 
{Threatens him.) * 

Hezekiah {raps on desk). Gentlemen, gentlemen; re- 
member this is a neutral province. 

Clancy. And that's all that saves that Dutchman. Now 
boys and girls, I want to slip yez a bit of advice — 

Mose {aside). And don't fergit to slip me mah e-leven 
bones. 

Clancy. Remember, honesty is the best policy. 

Willie. Yes, sir, but father says he can't make very 
good wages at it. 

Clancy. Never mind yer father. Listen to me, you 
fresh shrimp. Never take anything that doesn't belong to 
you, and never do anything in private that you wouldn't 
do in public. 

Sweitzer. Shoost a minute, Mr. Clancy. How about 
taking a bath? 

Grass. Huh, he never takes one. 

Martha. Shocking! I almost fainted. 

Clancy {to Sweitzer). If ye think ye kin talk any 
better than me, stand up and do it. 

Hezekiah. Order, gentlemen; order! 

Clancy. I just want to say one more word and I am 
through. I want to say that eddication counts fer a whole 
lot these days. Work is purty scarce. I got a job last 
Sunday that brought me in a few dollars. 

Martha {rising, indignantly). What? You broke the 
Sabbath ? 

Clancy. B'gorry, miss, it was me or the Sabbath. One 
of us had to be broke.' (Martha sits.) Which goes to 
show, children, that if yez are enjoyin' the higher ethics 



10 TEACHER. KIX I GO HOME? 

in life, such as the three R's : readin', 'ritin' and 'rithmatic, 
yer chances will be bether — eleven to one. 

MosE. Dar goes dat e-leven numbah agin. (Clancy 
takes his scat and all applaud Tocifcroiisly.) 

Hezekiah. Now scholars, you all heard the great words 
uttered by this great man, so I hope you'll follow in his 
footsteps. 

Martha {scornfully). Yes — working on a Sunday for 
a few miserable dollars. 

Hezekiah. I am now goin' to ask the scholars to sing. 

Grass {rising). Good idea. I'm tarnal glad of it. I 
belong to the queer myself. 

Clancy. Queer? Don't ye be after meanin' choir? 

Grass. Same thing. It's a queer choir. {Sits.) 

SwEiTZER. Before you have any song yet, I should like 
to make a little present. {Pulls a coin from pocket, mo- 
tions to Willie to approach, zvho does so.) Little boy, 
what's it your name is? 

Willie. Willie White, sir. 

Sweitzer. Dot's a nice boy. Willie, I am going to ask 
you, have you see the new twenty dollar gold pieces? Yes? 

Willie. No, sir; and I never saw one of the old ones, 
nuther. 

Sweitzer. Dot's a smart answer, Willie. Now I am 
going to give this twenty dollar gold piece to you. You 
can take it over to {neighboring tozoi) and spend it some 
day yet. 

Willie. Gee, I don't want it. 

Sweitzer. No? Why don't you want this twenty dol- 
lar gold piece? 

Willie. Because it wouldin't do me any good. Nobody 
in {neighboring town) could change it. 

Sweitzer. Dot's a smart answer again. Willie, where 
was you born ? 

Willie. I don't know, sir. 

Sweitzer. Don't know ? \\'ell, who was with you when 
you was born? 

Willie. My aunt — and it was on a Thursday. 



TEACHER. KIN I GO HOME? 11 

SwEiTZER. Well, how do you know it was on a Thurs- 
day. 

Willie. Because next day we had fish. 

(All laugh and Sweitzer throws up his hands in dis- 
gust and sits donm. Song is introduced by one of the 
principals, backed by boys and girls as chorus.) 

Grass {rising after song). Mr. Quackenbush, if you 
don't mind, I'd like to ask the scholars a few questions. 

Hezekiaii. Sure thing. Go ahead. You'll find 'em' 
mighty intelligent. They ought ter be. I taught 'em myself. 

Clancy. B'gorry, it couldn't have took ye very long. 

Grass (to Harold). Stand up, little boy. Now tell me, 
where is the North Pole? 

Harold. Honest to goodness, mister, I don't know. 
Ask some of the other boys — maybe they got it. (All laugh 
and Hezekiah raps for order.) 

Grass. Well, we'll pass up that question. Now tell me, 
who made the trees, grass and flowers you see out there? 

Harold. You'll have to ask some of the other pupils. 
We only moved to this neighborhood yesterday. 

Willie (snaps fingers loudly). Teacher, kin I go 
home? (Hezekiaii raps on desk, zvhile all laugh.) 

Grass (to Harold). I kin see you have had a purty 
smart sort of a teacher. Til try you agin. How much is 
6 and 4? 

Harold (promptly). Eleven. 

MosE (asleep at the stove almost falls to floor at the 
word). Doggone it — dat e-leven haunts me — dat's all; jes' 
naturally haunts me. 

Grass (to Harold). 6 and 4 are not eleven; try agin. 

Harold. Twelve. 

Grass. No, no ; try some more. 

Harold. Thirteen. 

Grass. No, no ; you're guessin' now. But why couldn't 
you guess ten? 

Harold. Because 6 and 4 don't make ten. 5 and 5 
makes ten. I remember that. 

Grass. Sit down. If your brains was a fried ^gg, there 



12 TEACHER. KIN I GO HOME? 

wouldn't be enough to make a breakfast for a typhoid fever 
germ. {To Ethel). Stand up, Httle girl. You look like 
a bright scholar. Now you may name all our presidents. 

Ethel. I can't, sir. 

Grass. Can't? Why, when I was your age, I could re- 
cite the names of our presidents backwards and forward. 

Ethel. Yes, sir, but when you was my age there wasn't 
so many presidents. (They both sit, and Hezekiah raps 
for order.) 

Hezekiah. Before I call a recess, is there somebody else 
who'd like to say a few words? 

MosE (coming forward). Yes, sah; Ah done got me a 
few wuds fo' to say and expostilate. Ah got me e-leven 
doUahs salary wages comin', an' Ah sho' does want an' 
need dem aforesaid e-leven. 

Hezekiah (raps on desk). Yer out of order! 

Mose. Yes, an' out e-leven dollahs too. 

Martha (rising, indignantly). I didn't come here to be 
insulted. 

Grass (rises). Nor me, nuther. 

Clancy (j-ises). Ye none of yez kin insult me. I've been 
insulted by experts. 

Sweitzer (rises). Dere seems to be a feeling of un- 
biased reflection permeating dis atmosphere, and I move 
yet we postpone further disobligations pertaining to a gen- 
eral morbid proceeding and mingle wid de ozone outside 
yet, where de air and conversation don't come in such 
chunks. 

Hezekiah. Good, I therefore call a recess. 

(The entire company break into a rollicking song, at the 
finish of zvhich the boys and girls make a mad scramble for 
door, and push through, helter-skelter manner, follozved by 
Clancy, Sweitzer, Grass and Martha, in more leisurely 
fashion, leaving Mose and Hezekiah on stage. Mose 
picks tip a sandzcich from one of the desks, and hold it up.) 

Mose. Look heah, boss. 

Hezekiah. What is it? 

Mose. A sandwich. (Hands it to Hezekiah.) 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 13 

Hezekiah {examines it). Why, it's an tgg. Where'd 
you get it? 

MosE. Dat fat girl in de back seat laid it dere. 

Curtain. 

A quartette and specialties may be introduced to occupy 
the time zvhile curtain is dozen. 



Scene II. The same. 

At rise of curtain the entire cast is discovered on stage, in 
same places originally allotted them at opening. Sweitzer 
has the floor and is making a speech to the scholars. 

Sweitzer. Now children, I want to call your attention 
to some of de big men in de history of dis country. Look 
at "me. Look at Patrick Henry. Ach, dere was a man yet 
if he did have it an Irish name. Patrick Henry never got 
any reputation until after he got married. Den he said : 
"Give me liberty or give me death." Look at Abraham 
Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln said: "You can't fool all the 
peoples all the time." And he never got married. You see, 
he knew it couldn't be done. Look at George Washington. 
George Washington was an honest man and he never told 
a lie yet. But dey don't believe it. Don't dey close all 
de banks on his birthday? Some of our great statesmen 
today claim dot de horrors of our army and navy in pre- 
vious wars were due to drunkenness. Well, children, have 
we any kick coming on the Revolution, the War of 1812, 
or the Spanish-American W^ar? We walked away with 
those wars, and dey served booze on our battle ships. Veil, 
vould it be wise to cut it out now ? We know what we can 
do when we drink booze, shall we take a chance with grape 
juice? Some great men get their faces on paper money, but 
look at the other millions of poor boobs who can't even get 
their hands on it. Dey tell us to go easy mit de school chil- 
dren and dey will be all o. k. Dey say to leave de boy to 
time and nature. But-dere wrong. Look at what time and 
nature does to limberger cheese. What? Along comes it 



14 TEACHER. KIX I GO HOME? 

another smart mans and he says it: "Don't be disgusted, 
boys, some of our greatest men was born barefooted." 
Now I am asking you a civiHzed question, did anybody ever 
see any boy born mit shoes on? Mit dese few suggestions 
vich I think I have thoroughly disgusted, I beg to sit down. 
{He is vociferously applauded as he takes his seat.) 

Hezekiah. Children, I hope you listened carefully to 
them great words. Before I forget it, I want to say some- 
thing to Willie. Willie, next time you are late bring an 
excuse from your father. 

Willie. Who ? Pa ? Say, he ain't any good at excuses ; 
ma finds him out every time. 

Clancy (rising). Vm beggin' permission to ask a few 
questions. (To Betty.) Little girl, do ye know anythin' 
'bout natural history? Natural history, ye know, means ani- 
mals. Now ye may name somethin' that is very dangerous 
to get near and that has horns. 

Betty (stutteringly) . Oh, I — I — I know. 

Clancy. That's a foine little girl. What is it that is 
very dangerous to get near and has horns ? 

Betty. An automobile. 

Clancy. Do ye moind that now? B'gorry, she ain't so 
far wrong at that, although 'twas a rhinoceros I had in me 
moind. Now, little girl, I'm askin' agin. I want to find out 
what ye know 'bout the correct placing of words. For in- 
stance, take the word delight and place it correctly in a sen- 
tence. 

Betty. D — d — d — de — de — de — did you sa — sa — say de — • 
de — delight ? 

Clancy. That's the word I mentioned, although, not on 
the installment plan as you did. Go ahead. Take your time 
and hurry up. Delight is the word. 

Betty. Well, de wind blew in de window and blew out 
de light. 

Clancy (disgustedly). For the love of grape juice! 

Hezekiah. Ask them somethin' they know. 

Clancy. B'gorry, I would if I knew what it was they 
knew. Now then, who discovered America? 

Betty. C—C—C— Cleveland. 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 15 

Clancy (excitedly). Did ye hear that now? Cleveland 
discovered America, did he? Well, he didn't. Now, little 
girl, I'm goin' to tell you who discovered America. It was 
Columbus. 

Betty. Well, I — I — knew it was some town in Ohio. 

(Song may be introduced here. After zvliich Martha 
rises. ) 

Martha (rising). I've listened about long enough to the 
prattle of you male animals. I stand before you today as 
the president of the Window Smasher's Union. A woman 
has long done nothing but wash windows, but now she's 
made up her mind to smash them. We women must either 
cast votes or cobblestones. There are some men who believe 
that if women are to have rights they should be wilhng to 
stand up for them. I meet a bunch of such men every day 
in the street cars. I asked one man the other day if he 
believed in clubs for women. He says, ''Sure I do. Clubs, 
baseball bats or any old thing." Don't think for a moment 
that wt are trying to run this country. Far be it from so. 
We are perfectly willing that men shall continue to hold the 
reins — only we want to tell them which way to drive. When 
we have a female president we will put her face on all coins. 
That's the time money will talk. We all admit that George 
Washington was the father of this country. But can you 
imagine what a row there will be when they come to decide 
who's the mother of our country? One of the first laws 
that women will pass is that no single man can hold office. 
You men folks are fond of saying that women are a delu- 
sion. But I notice you are always ready to "hug a delu- 
sion." Education, they say, is the answer to all our prob- 
lems. Maybe it is. But here's a school teacher getting $60 
per month and the janitor gets $7S — 

]\IosE (interrupting). What's dat? Ah don't git no sev- 
enty-five dollahs. Ah don't even git me mah e-leven 
dollahs. 

Martha. I am through. I've talked long enough. (Sits.) 

(Loud applause and cries of: ''Indeed you have. Too 
nmchr) 



16 TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 

Hezekiah (raps on desk). I want to say in behalf of 
the lady who has just spoken that she is one of the best 
after-dinner speakers in this part of the country. 

Clancy. \\'ell. 'tis evident to me that she hasn't had her 
dinner yet. (Martha tiinis coldly from him.) 

SwEiTZER (to Martha). Hello, hello! (Martha pays 
no attention to him.) Hello, I said. 

Clancy. Humph! She must be a telephone girl. She 
don't answer. 

Hezekiah. Children, we will now prove to the board 
that we know something", even if they don't We have a 
new version to Webster's Dictionary. (To Willie.) What 
is a bone? 

Willie. One dollar. The original price of a wife. Adam 
had to give up one bone before he got Eve. 

Hezekiah. Harold, what is a cemetery? 

Harold. The one place where princes and paupers, por- 
ters and presidents are finally on the dead level. 

Hezekiah. Champagne? 

Harold. The stuff that makes the world go around. 

Hezekiah (to Ethel). Ethel, what is credit? 

Ethel. Something for nothing. 

Hezekiah. Creditor? 

Ethel. Something with nothing. 

Hezekiah (to Betty). What is a dock? 

Betty. A place for laying up. 

Hezekiah. Doctor? 

Betty. One who lays you up. 

Hezekiah. Willie,^what is an echo? 

Willie. The only thing ever known that could cheat a 
woman out of the last word. 

MosE (stepping foncard). Dat's all right, but yo' all 
ain't gwine to cheat me out of mah e-leven bones. 

Martha. There's that dreadful colored person again. 
Can't something be done to suppress him? 

MosE. Yes — e-leven bones will suppress me o. k., lady. 

Clancy, ^^^ell, all I got to say is, that if this man has 
eleven dollars comin', he should have it. 



TEACHER, KIN I GO HOME? 17 

Grass. Then you pay him. 

SwEiTZER. Yes, go on and did it. 

MosE. Ah don't care who does it. Ah kin stand it from 
anybody. 

Clancy. All right. I'm after bein' the wan to pay him. 
{Takes out tzvo one-dollar bills from pocket and hands 
them to MosE.) There ye be. Now yer paid. 

MosE (taking bills, examining them.) Hold on, boss; dis 
heah ain't right. Dis am a dollah bill and dis am a dollsh 
bill. (Holds up one, then the other.) 

Clancy. Perfectly right. I'll prove it. Ye have eleven 
dollars comin', ain't ye? 

MosE. Yes, sah. 

Clancy. Well, one and one make eleven, don't they? 

MosE (scratching head). Yes, sah, but — 

Clancy. Then that settles it — yer paid. (All turn to 
MosE, point a finger at him and burst into derisive laughter.) 

MosE. Dat's all right, but if Ah don't git me dat e-leven 
dollahs in cash, Ah'U git e-leven dollah s worth of junk — 
&^-lieve me. 

(As the principals and boys and girls start to sing the 
closing song, Mose begins to carry off the desks, etc., finally 
finishing up with carrying off the stove just as the curtain 
descends.) 

Curtain. 



The Deacon Entandled 

By HARRY OSBORNE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Scene: 
1 interior. Characters: Deacon Penrose, a member in good stand- 
ing. Calvin, his nephew. Rev. Sopher, a supporter of foreign mis- 
sions Harry Baxter, a sporting writer. Rafferty, a policeman. 
A Plain Clothes Man. Mrs. Penrose. Ruth, lier daughter. 
Georgia, Rev. Sopher's daughter. Katy, a maid. 
SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — In which the Deacon finds himself in a tight corner. 
Dr. Sopher, who can coax money out of a wooden Indian. A thou- 
sand dollars for tlie new pipe organ. Cal arrives. A clean-up- 
clouter instead of a ministerial prospect. "Did I forget my necktie 
and button my collar in the back?" The Deacon spends a night 
out. "We won't go liome until morning." 

Act II. — The raid on the gambling joint. "Why didn't you 
jump when I told you." On bail. "A thousand dollars to the Doc 
or you lose your job as Deacon; a thousand to the judge or six 
months." A sporting chance. Ready for the game. A donation 
to Foreign Missions and a double barreled courtship. The elope- 
ment. The arrest. "Come on Cal, I'll see you through." 

Act III.— The big game. Tied in the Tenth. Cal goes to the 
box. A Pinch Hitter. "Over tlie scoreboard." On the Deacon's 
trail — the Horse pistol — pay the fine or go to jail. A hair line 
finish, "Hold on, Copper." "Here's your thousand and here's 
your girl. Look happy and have your picture taken." A new 
son-in-law. "Bother Boarding Schoo l." The Deacon smiles. 

A Trial of Hearts 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

College comedy in 4 acts; 6 males, 18 females. Time, 2i/4 hours. 
Scenes: 3 interiors, 1 exterior. Characters: Dudley Van Antwerp, 
a wealthy college man. Philip, his best friend. Roger, Teddy, 
Jack and Jerry, fraternity men. Mrs. Van Antwerp, of great im- 
portance. Honor, Dudley's wife. Fourteen lively sorority girls. A 
chaperone and a maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Gretchen and Jerry play Romeo and Juliet. Ted pleads 
the cause of Kappa Psi. Jack argues for Delta Chi. Dudley intro- 
duces Honor to his mother. Virginia learns of Dudley's marriage. 
"I want to go home — oh, I want to go home!" 

Act II. — The football enthusiasts bring news of Barbara. 
Gretchen and Jerry study Latin and argue fraternity. Honor finds 
it all a little strange. Dudley tells Virginia his love story. "Oh, 
Dudley, you hurt me!" "There's nothing left for me but to go away!" 

Act III. — "I wonder if people ever get too busy to care!" 
Mrs. Van Antwerp opens fire and Honor stands her ground. "I 
mean to stay!" "I wish I had no heart — it aches so!" "Dear 
little girl, it is good-bye." Honor hears Dudley declare his love 
for Virginia. "Oh, Dad -Dad — your little girl is coming home!" 

Act IV. — Gretchen and Jerry "grow up." The Seniors toast 
the past, the present and the future. Mrs. Van Antwerp reproaches 
herself. "Here comes the bride." The Kappa Psis and the Delta 
Chi holds reunions. "Honor, is it really j'ou?" "If you want me, 
I am here." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Thread o£ Destiny 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy-drama of the Civil War in 3 acts; 9 males, 16 females. 
Time, 2i/^ hours. Scenes: 1 interior, 2 exteriors. Characters: 
Peyton Bailey, of the U. S. army. Beverly Montgomery, a con- 
federate scout. Colonel Montgomery, a gentleman of the old school. 
Tom Randolph, a Southern gallant. John Morton, of the North. 
Ralph, who did not go to war. George and Uncle Billy, slaves. 
A Union Scout. Virginia, the toast of tlie country. Betty, the 
"Little Colonel." Edith, a northern cousin. Louise, a spy. Eight 
charming southern girls. Mrs. Montgomery. Miss Melissy, of in- 
quisitive nature. Fanny and Mammy, slaves. 
SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Betty breaks a looking glass. Edith calms her fears 
and tells her "the signs of the times." "Virginia has seceded." 
Beverly enlists. "A Virginia woman does not even recognize an ' 
acquaintance among the enemies of Virginia." 

Act II. — "I don' wan' no tarnished silber linin' to my cloud.'* 
"There are some things more precious than money, tlian jewels." 
"Death cannot conquer love — nor eternity." "Some day there will 
be no North, no South, but the Union." The Union scout falls a 
prey to Edith's fascinations and her clevei-ness wins the coveted 
dispatch. Virginia opens the door — to Peyton. Beverly is dis- 
covered. Friendship proves stronger than duty. 

Act III. — Three years work a great change. Peyton pleads in 
vain. George and Fanny "take de road to de Ian' of Jiappiness." 
"In our little circle the stars and bars are floating high." Virginia 
gives Peyton another rose and together they trace against the 
background of blue and gray "the golden thread of destiny." 



Shadows 



By MARY MONCURE PARKER. 
Price, 15 Cents 

Play of the South today and a dream of the past in 1 act; 
an interior scene; 3 males, 4 females. Time, 35 minutes. Charac- 
ters: Prologue and the Awakening: Robert Ashton, Virginia's 
sweetheart. Aunt Geranium, an old colored mammy. Virginia Lee, 
a southern maid. The Dream: Gordon Sanford, a soldier in love 
with Alice. Harold Hale, the successful rival. Mrs. Horace 
Fairfax, a stern mother of long ago. Alice Fairfax, her dutiful 
daughter. STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Virginia Lee's mother insists upon her marriage with a rich 
suitor, wlio has agreed to restore their impoverished estate. Vir- 
ginia has a sweetheart of her childhood days and hesitates in 
making a choice, but finally decides upon wealth instead of love. 
An old colored mammy, who has spent her life in the Lee house- 
hold, understands the situation and teUs Virginia of a similar 
episode in the life of Virginia's grandmother. Virginia in ponder- 
ing over the incident and grieving over her own troubles, falls 
asleep. She dreams of the story just told and the dream folks 
appear and play their parts. Virginia awakens, the shadows flee 
and she comes to her senses and her lover. 

The old colored mammy says: "Dis heah ole worl's jes' full 
of shadders. Fokes comes an' dey goes, ripens and drops like the 
fruit on de tree. Ole Mars is gone, old Mistis gone. De substance 
melts and fades awa^^ Ain't nothing left but shadders." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



Parlor Matches. 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

An engaging comedy of society, 2 acts; 4 males, 5 females. 
Time, l^^ hours. Scene: 1 simple interior. Characters: Vance 
Trelford, a professional hero, who doesn't want to be engaged. 
Don Radey, his cousin, a serious young man, engaged, thank you. 
t'erdinand Poppleton, a frivolous young man, likewise engaged. 
Jorkes, the butler, who may or may not be engaged. Mrs. Seltoon, 
who believes in engagements. Margaret Seltoon, her elder daugh- 
ter, engaged to Mr. Radey. Suzanne Seltoon, her younger daughter, 
engaged to Mr. Poppleton. Gail Lawrence, her ward, engaging 
and eventually engaged. Abigail Mullen, A. B., her maid, tem- 
porarily engaged, as it were. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — A morning in June at Solitaire Villa, Dovecote. Mrs. 
Seltoon smooths out the course of true love. "Whoever heard 
of a grass widow playing a heroine in a love scene?" "Oh, it's 
one of the best things they do." Mrs. Seltoon seeking a man for 
her niece. "What is his yearly income?" The butler's opinion 
of a woman A. B. "Near-sighted, men's shoes, short bedrabbled 
skirts, last year's hat and a banner saying Votes for Women!" 
The new maid who is a graduate from the Splinterville Normal. 
The moving picture hero. "Women make me nervous. I always 
keep out of their way." Symptoms of hydrophobia. "I bark, bow- 
wow-wow!" "His father is in oil and vinegar." "Is it a new kind 
of a bath?" Gail announces her engagement to the moving pic- 
ture hero. "He's here in town!" "Fall. O walls, and crush me!" 

Act II. — A dinner party. Ferdy decides to enlist in the army. 
A reconciliation. Abigail and Adrian Lee of the movies. "Those 
eyes, that nose, it's him?" "I've seen you propose in white 
flannels, in feathers, in full evening clothes, in a sailor suit, 
and in the garbage of a monk, and every time you've won her in 
the end." Gail and her fiancee. That odious Mr. Trelford. Din- | 
ner is served. Vance Trelford learns that he is engaged. "I ex- 
pected it all along." "Yes, I begin to think that I did it myself." 

Sewing for the Heathen 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 
Price, 15 Cents 

Entertainment for 9 ladies, either young or middle-aged. Time, 
40 minutes. Can be played on any stage or platform, or even in 
any room. Very refined. Suitable for church or any society. Char- 
acters: Mrs. Judd, tlie hostess. Mrs. Cliester, the president. Mrs. 
R. B. Powers, the stranger. Grandma Gibbs, deaf but persistent. 
Miss Luella Huggins, so sentimental. Mrs. Strong, a suffragist. 
Mrs. Meeker, gentle and good. Mrs. Day, a bride. Meelv, the 
hired girl. SYNOPSIS. 

An anxious hostess. Meely wants to serve winny-wurst sand- 
wiches and noodle soup. The mystery of the jardeniere. The 
President arrives before she is expected. "It was her hair; she 
hadn't got it all on yet." Red flannels for the Hottentots in the 
middle of Africa. A stranger in town, the rich Mrs. Powers. A 
trip down town. Grandma Gibbs and her ear-trumpet. The rich 
Mrs. Powers is mistaken for the dressmaker. The meeting of the 
society. A little tiff. The giddy Miss Huggins is late as usual. 
A present from the men. "Sewing for the Heathen." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20- min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbing' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min.. 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea. 20 min 3 '3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Smith, the Aviator, 40 min... 2 3 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min..... 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Tv^fo Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.... 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min . . 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby. 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, iVION- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 ni.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell Col- 
lege, 1 5 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min . . 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min .1 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 
Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 

15 min 1 

Uncle JefF, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min. 5 1 

A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found liere are listed In 

Denison's Catalogue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTAI 

Price, Illustrated Paper Cov 



LIBRARY OF 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Yeiy clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Cornic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readinos. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 
Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 




CONGRESS 



Th 

^° 015 9i0""^™'™« 

Scrap- Dourv --*w H 9 

Choice collections, pathetic, nu- 
merous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children frorn 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Larsre Illustrated Catalosrue Free 



T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers. 1 54 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



